It’s an absolute pleasure to be on the job with the Center and working with this incredible staff  in this pivotal moment of our life together. Thank you for your support and encouragement along the way.

The transition out of local church pastoral and staff ministry after 33 years on the job is proving to be a provocative, illuminating and sobering experience.  Sitting on the receiving side of the pulpit is a very different way to spend a Sunday morning. Some parts of it are extremely gratifying, others completely frustrating. Beyond the change in Sunday routine, I am thinking a great deal these days about the interchange between clergy and laity, and how to help encourage healthy conversation in those relationships. I recently led a workshop under the heading of “Seven things your pastor wishes you knew, but is afraid to tell you”. I was inspired by the title of Buzz Thomas’ excellent book of a few years ago, and thought I would try out some of my thoughts on this fine group of clergy and laity. Here were my thoughts: 

1. It’s not their fault, but your minister didn’t learn everything they needed to be a pastor in Seminary. Like doctors leaving medical school, clergy need a time to do their “residency” and learn to practice in the field what they’ve learned in the classroom. Actually, that theological education NEVER stops…so give your minister permission to not be perfect and to always be learning.
2. Every pastor must learn to “choose their guilt”. So will you. There is always more to do than there is time to do it. Every minister must come to terms with an inherent guilt around what he or she did not do today. Too often that means their own family gets the left-overs. By the way, this is a dilemma for all of us regardless our vocation.
3. Be kind if you have a criticism. Healthy clergy welcome constructive criticism. Everyone abhors petty nitpicking. Make sure you engage in the former and not the latter.
4. Please have some realistic expectations for the pastor’s family. How many ways can we say this? Please give your minister’s family an extra measure of grace.
5. Please err on the side of generosity. I’m not just talking about money, though I am talking about money. I also mean be generous with your attention, your questions, your interest, your ability to remember my mother’s name, your laughter, your food, your jokes, your invitations to ball games, your LIFE.
6. Your pastor loves you, but he/she may or may not like you. Just like in your family; there are days when your spouse/child/parent loves you, but is frustrated by you or wondering what they did to deserve you. That ambivalence is part of being human. Own it and expect it. 
7. Your comfort is not your pastor’s primary concern. Hope you know this. If not, read the Bible and remind yourself why your church exists in the first place. Trying to be priest (comforting the afflicted) and prophet (afflicting the comfortable) to the same people is confusing, messy, and an invitation to misunderstandings.  

Our group engaged in fine conversation around each point, and I sensed a genuine interest in thinking more along these lines. Our last item was to respond to my request of the laity present to tell me “what you wish your pastor knew, but are afraid to tell them”. Next month, I’ll share those revealing thoughts.