In previous blog postings I raised the issue of “what is congregational health?” and suggested that the ability to manage conflict constructively is a critical attribute of any faith community. The next question is , “How do you do it?” As there were many answers to the question of what is congregational health, there are also many answers to the question of how to manage conflict.  There are several models that attempt to describe individuals’ approaches to conflict. I personally like the Thomas-Kilmann model that suggests people typically respond in one of five ways: competing, collaborating, compromising, avoiding, or accommodating.  For leaders, understanding your own conflict style preference is a good starting point for improving conflict-response skills.

Knowing your own conflict style is important, but not sufficient. Conflict within a group—particularly within a congregation—presents another challenge altogether.  In my experience, one of the biggest drivers in congregational conflict is secrecy. One of the first choices leaders often make when conflict arises is to begin to shut down the flow of information. They have good intentions in doing this, believing that the flow of information must be controlled in order for information not cause further disruption, confusion and polarization.  Unfortunately, a slowdown or shutoff of information often has the opposite effect.  When accurate information is not available, people began to make guesses and assumptions, using their imaginations to “fill in the blanks.” This can produce rumors, and play havoc with emotions as people respond emotionally to what they are hearing.

Effective leaders try not to stifle information but to find structured ways to share the information they can share. Everyone can’t know everything about every situation, particularly when it involves personnel matters. However, people do need safe places to express feelings and to have access to information that can be made available. Transparency is the goal, even if it cannot be 100%. As Rabbi Ed Freidman once said, “We don’t keep secrets; secrets keep us.”

Chris Gambill August 2010